PsychoHigh
by something unimportant
Summary: Riku lives a normal life, til he meets an old friend... Saix/Riku
1. Chapter 1

_--chapter one: emo-robots from yxcvbnm1029384756_

Riku was an outcast, not one of those with at least one friend. No, he was completely alone .

But it all would change with this year, he changed highschool because he had been an outcast since middle school and his parents were worried about him. He would try his very best to get as many friends as possible.

Having no friends at all was so troublesome, his parents were worried about their little Riku and forced him to join a group of emos and nerds called „the poetry-club"

They wrote poetry and read it to each other. It was so pathetic sitting in the middle of a few nerds that wrote some sci-fi stuff nobody except them understood and some emos who wrote about how less they slept and how much they missed their girlfriend in god-knows-where and how they hurt themselves.

Sometimes another emo or nerd joined, Riku didn´t even know the name of half of the others.

Like today...

„This is our new member, be nice to him."their teacher said bored.

Officially, the poetry club belonged to destiny high, the school Riku would move to. It wasn´t like his old school didn´t had one but this one was sooooo much better, or whatever his parents had said. Riku just had stopped listening to their talking. Don´t ask what they did to get him into it, they nearly moved heaven and earth, just so that he finally had a creative hobby. They thought that playing guitar wasn´t creative enough, Riku sighed.

„Riku!" suddenly Riku was hugged tightly, he gasped for air. No it couldn´t be, not after all these years...

It was Saïx his old best friend from elementary school. Saïx had been a nice and friendly person he only sometimes have had „seizures", sometimes still had the two of them had been the best friends for the longest time.

Seizure meant the blue haired got aggressive over nothing and destroyed and attack everything around him, not bothering to check whether his victim was alive or not. Normally he had been totally manic and stuff, just like a elementary-kid was supposed to be.

Riku wasn´t sure what he should think now, they Warren´t in elementary school anymore and hugging somebody wasn´t that normal anymore. But the two of them had never been normal, even compared to other kids, even kindergartners the had hugged excessively. When they hadn´t hugged the had at least held hands or so. Riku thought he remembered Saïx kissing him several times.

Riku and he had split up after elementary school in the cause of unknown reasons. Riku had always guessed what had happened. Saïx had one day vanished and nobody knew any details.

Riku remembered crying for days after Saïx left him, they hadn´t been able to phone each other because Saïx did had a phone number where ever he had gone.

The blue haired was hugging him right now and Riku remembered all the times he had been hugged like this and had listened to this heart beat, he was short for answering the hug when he noticed that he wouldn´t get popular as fag. And he wasn´t ten anymore, hugging somebody like this couldn´t be the only thing Saïx wanted...

„Go away from me you pervert!" he pushed Saïx away.

„But...Riku don´t you remember me? It´s me Saïx, we were best friends in elementary school." Saïx seemed disappointed and reached out to touch Riku´s cheek.

Riku noticed how much he had changed: his hair was no longer short as it had been but long like girls hair, Saïx had grown amazingly tall and was muscled. Riku was interested if his seizures had minimized or multiplied.

„No I don´t remember you, leave me alone fag!" Riku kicked the hand away.

„You heard what he said, don´t force him onto something, maybe he´ll remember after my lession. If you still don´t let go of him I have to report you to the principal for molesting him." their teacher had rested his hand supportingly on Saïx´s shoulder.

„Don´t touch me." the words were low but dangerous. Riku was ready to run for the hills, he didn´t care if the emos, the nerds and the teacher were beaten up but he could think of a better way of dying.

The teacher did back away reflexively and the class also as Saïx looked up, his pupils dilated like always when he had a seizure. Riku remembered that quite good, Saïx had always looked like a drug addict to him.

It was interesting to see how much Saïx had changed from the outside but how familiar the inside was. Saïx calmed himself down fast. His pupils contracted to normal size and he apologized „Sorry, I didn´t meant to scare you." he sounded ashamed and sat down.

Everybody seemed to back away from him even more, only Riku stayed, he was used to things like this, he had seen this seizures several times, he had also been a victim several times and once had been hurt badly: his left arm had been utterly shattered. Many of the bone pieces had come out through his skin, he had bleed like mad and it had hurt like mad but he still had never been afraid of Saïx even after.

So they wrote poems and read them to each other, of course they wrote about the seizure. The emos wrote something about „sweet pain" , „Darking my sight" a.s.o

The nerds wrote about some mad killer-robots from Qwertzuiop 112358132134 a planet in the six dimension of Asdfghjkl 20460810350790. The poems sounded rather disturbing.

Riku knew that Saïx was watching him closely.

Luckily the lession ended and they could go home. Of course Saïx clung to him immediately „Why don´t you remember me?" he asked.

„Let me go, freak." Riku freed himself and wanted to leave when suddenly somebody shouted „If you hurt my mate I shall kill you!" Riku faced a red haired that who had suddenly appeared around a corner in front of him.

„Believe me I would do that. Because I´m A-x-e-l, Axel, got it memorized?" Riku backed away from the redhaired spelling master.

„Hey, Axel." Saïx rested his chin on Riku´s head. Axel stepped closer and the two kissed, not like two straight girls would kiss as „hello" or „goodbye". No, the kissed for about a minute passionately, Riku was happy not to be spitted on.

Suddenly Axel pulled Saïx closer into a hug but forgot about Riku, the silver haired was part of a sick sandwich, but something inside him liked being close to Saïx so he hugged the red haired reflexively, burying his head in the soft fabric of Axel´s T-shirt

Axel let go of Saïx immediately and stepped back „Wowowow, not so fast little one." Axel looked at Riku in disbelieve and Riku was utterly confused also.

„What kind of sex-addicted freak did you pick up again?" he asked Saïx.

„This is Riku, we were best friends in elementary school." said Saïx calm

„Your influence is easy to see."Axel still looked at Riku.

„In each case, why are you here?" asked Saïx and pulled Riku against him. Riku was somehow happy to don´t stand between the two males but he wasn´t sure if leaned against one was so much better.

He wasn´t gay and he didn´t like the idea of being.

„I am meeting Roxy in _the moon_, I wanted to pick you up to come with me."

_The moon_ was the bar for the less popular to outcasts it was opened up shortly after _the sun _a bar only for popular kids, of course there were loads of other clubs, dicos and bars but these two were the most famous.

„Do you wanna join in?" he asked Riku. Suddenly Riku remembered that his goal was to get so famous to get into _the sun, _he freed himself of Saïx´s grip and said „Sorry I don´t go anywhere with strangers. Good bye!" he just wanted to leave when Axel grabbed him by the hair.

„Ouch!"

„Saïx, didn´t you say you knew him elementary school?" Axel pulled Riku closer who cursed at the redhaired „Yes." nodded Saïx „Why is he calling us strangers then?"

„Stop telling your lies! We have never met before! Let me go!" Riku tried to get Axel off him but failed.

„He says he doesn´t remember me." explained Saïx.

„What is better for refreshing memories then spending time together? You´re coming with us, no refuse desired."Axel smirked and let go of Riku´s hair.

„What have I done to deserve this, tell me lord?" prayed Riku in his mind. Fixing his hair with his hands. „But wait how are we supposed to get there?" he asked fast.

„Driving of course." said Axel and smirked.

Axel´s car turned out to be a wreck with 4 wheel.

Riku had to sit on Saïx lap because the car only had two seats, Saïx used his change and rested his chin on Rikus´s head. Riku felt uncomfortable with this older males who were so gay it hurt the eye.

„So Riku you haven´t talked much yet, how have you been all those years?" Axel asked, not focusing on the street.

„I said I don´t remember him!" Riku pouted couldn´t any of them listen to him? No, they had to kiss each other because they hadn´t seen for oh so long.

„Are you gay then?" asked Axel

„WHAT? NO!" Riku was confused this guy was asking him if he was gay? What a jerk!

„You are sitting in the lap of some guy you just met and you are not gay, hard to believe." Axel laughed and Riku really wanted to leave.

The parked the car near the bar.

Without asking Saïx took Riku´s hand as they walked to _the moon, _Roxas was already waiting for them in front of it.

„Axel!" he hugged and kissed the redhaired.

„Oh hello Saïx. Who is your boyfriend?" the blond eyed Riku with great interest.

„I am not his boyfriend!" Riku freed himself of Saïx´s hand.He was so pissed by now.

„This is Riku, he and Saïx were best friends in elementary school, but he doesn´t remember." Axel introduced.

„Another psycho?" the naive blond asked, Riku wanted to hit this little blond.

„I am not a psycho and I am leaving!" Riku turned around to leave but Roxas held him back „Don´t be so touchy I was just kidding." Roxas gave Riku one of his I-am-blond-and-blue-eyed-obey-me-looks.

Riku didn´t care and kept walking away.

„Don´t be so childish and stay!" Axel called after him and Riku started to run, but didn´t come far. Axel cought up to him and pressed him against a wall so he couldn´t run away anymore.

„I don´t care if you remember Saïx or not. I haven´t seen him so happy ever before, so you will stay or I kill you." Axel sounded serious and dangerous. Riku counted his changes to get away, the were down to zero, he was alone in a fucked up side street, the next street lamb was an eternity away.

„Let me go!" Riku tried to fight the older male, but failed.

„Let him go." a remarkable low and dangerous voice said.

„But." Axel was interrupted.

„I said: Let. Him. Go." Axel let Riku down and stepped back.

Saïx´s pupils had widened again „You and I know you remember so stop pretending and just tell me you hate me." Riku could think of a million less suicidal things beside telling a berserk you hate him. So he stayed silent, thinking of an opportunity. Minutes seemed to pass as they stood there in death silence.

„I see, Axel let´s leave." Saïx looked like he could kill somebody on the spot. Axel could see that and obeyed „Okay." even he sounded frightened.

Riku stayed leaned against the wall, calming and thinking of what he had done.

We he finally got home his parents asked him where he had been so long and with who. He was too tired to answer and just went to bed.

--Author note

Another of my senseless stories who nobody reads, hooray! I am really not quite sure how to call Saïx sickness... biopolar disorder with manic and auto aggression maybe. Ill research a little in each case R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

_--chapter two: my not-smoking not-berserk not-boyfriend_

The next day was Saturday, Riku did spent it at home with reading and doing homework.

Sunday was the same only called different.

Monday was Riku´s first day in his new school, it was rather stressing to see so many new faces and teachers, so he was rather happy when the lunchbreak started.

But the peace didn´t last long.

„Riku!" Axel had spied the silver haired.

Riku couldn´t say from where exactly the red haired had appeared.

„What are you doing here?" Axel asked.

„I changed school, as it seems I should have better stayed."Riku said rather sarcastically, Axel laughed as reply.

„In each case I just wanted to apologize for Friday, I overreacted. Can you forgive me?" Axel looked at the silverhaired with puppyeyes.

„If somebody did overreact, it was me. Shouldn´t have ran away like that." confessed Riku.

Axel smirked „Alright, I suppose you don´t have any planes about spending your lunchbreak, would you mind spending it together?"

Riku knew the smirk meant nothing good. It was one of those smirks in horrormovies were everybody screamed „Run away you fool!". But he was one of the less people that were too afraid to say anything and just watched the movie.

„No?" his tune was more than questioning.

„Oh good! I gotta introduce you to a whole lot of people!" not caring whether Riku could follow him or not Axel ran ahead to the cafeteria. Riku was right behind him.

In the cafeteria Axel immediately focused a table were the popular kids sat. Roxas jumped up from his seat next to Sora, who was so popular that even Riku knew his name.

„Axel! Riku! We have been waiting for you to arrive!" Roxas hugged and kissed the redhaired male.

„Guys, this is Riku, Saïx´s boyfriend!" was the short introducing from Roxas.

„I am not his boyfriend!" interrupted Riku the blond and earned a as-if-look from the whole party.

„Come to think about it, where is Saïx?" Roxas asked.

„He stayed at home because he felt sick." Axel replied not really caring about anything beside the blond in his arms.

„I think we should phone him to ensure he is okay." Roxas acted like he didn´t notice that Axel was groping his ass.

„Riku phone him." Axel gave his mobile to Riku. „Why me?" the silver haired asked.

„You are his boyfriend, silly. And I don´t want to talk to him when he is bad mooded. I can´t stand him when he is sick." Axel explained.

With a sigh Riku searched through telephonebook and phoned Saïx. He picked up immediately.

„Hello?" he really sounded sick and bad mooded.

„It´s me, Riku. Axel forced me to phone you to see if you are doing alright." Riku didn´t liked phoning anybody.

„Oh, hey." Saïx coughed badly.

„Where are you?" Riku asked, he thought he heard some car driving in the background.

„In the park, watching some old people feeding the ducks."

„What the fuck are you doing? Go home now!" Riku was practically shouting.

„Oh why should you care what I am doing. I am just some random stranger you met the other day." Saïx sounded apathetic by now.

„I care because you are going to kill yourself!" Riku knew why Axel didn´t liked talking to a sick and bad mooded Saïx. It was completely senseless.

„What are you going to do about it?" Saïx asked, he coughed away louder this time, like he was spitting blood.

„If you stay there I will never phone you again!" this wasn´t so threatening but Riku wasn´t very creative.

„And if I go or don´t care whether you call me or not?"

„I´ll think of something and it´s going to be meaner than you can imagine!"

„You don´t know me. How are you going to do that?" asked Saïx.

„I will ask Axel!"

„Axel isn´t the type of guy to help you, he isn´t so helpful or sadistic."

„I will make a survey!"

„There is nobody who knows me good enough to tell you something useful."

„I´ll get a whip, beat up you, Axel and everybody in this motherfucking city and then I will kill myself by swallowing so much floss, I explode!"

„I don´t care if you beat me up or Axel or anybody else and if you kill yourself I won´t cry after you.".

„You are such a little sadist do you know that?" asked Riku.

„No I though I am more the masochist of the two of us."

„Why?"

„Because somebody has to get hurt."

„You are an asshole. I hate you!" without another word Riku hung up.

Axel eyed him quite interested „What did he say?"

„He is fine." Riku wanted to leave when suddenly Axel´s phone rang, without thinking Riku picked it up.

„Hello?"

„Is this the police? Some madman just attacked passengers in the waffelpark, this is mobile, please call the police! I am not sure if I" the phoner was interrupted by a sudden scream of agony, you could hear bones break and flesh shatter. Then the connection broke.

„Fuck!" cursed Riku, why did he always had to say the wrong thing?

He ran like a madman, he had to get to waffelpark and stop Saïx from doing something stupid.

„Hey, give me my phone back!" called Axel after him, but Riku was much faster, he managed to leave the schoolbuilding without being captured by a teacher or somebody who wanted to help Axel get his mobile back.

Luckily the waffelpark wasn´t too far away, it took Riku about five minutes to get there and he was running like mad.

The park wasn´t too big and the screams made it easy to tell where Saïx was. Riku found him, threatening some kids that stood in a corner. Everybody who could run had already used his ability to get away.

„Saïx!" Riku shouted, he thought it would be good using a tactic. His was: 1) attract attention 2) come near slowly don´t move too fast. 3) he wasn´t sure about 3 he thought it was important that he had at least tried to make up a plan.

Saïx turned around and faced Riku, he hissed.

The bluehaired looked terrible, he was on hands and knees like an animal, his hair unruly, his cloth stained with blood, grass and dirt. Riku could tell he had been hurt too, some of his wounds were still bleeding.

„Hush, it´s me. Don´t be afraid." he knelt down to and crawled closer, Saïx hissed even more an the kids used their chance to get away.

Riku was very close now, Saïx didn´t back away from him more threatened him like a cat would, hissing and watching him with his near to completely black dilated eyes.

„It´s me I won´t harm you." carefully Riku reached out his arm, Saïx kicked it away like it was poisoned. The arm started bleeding quite a lot but Riku didn´t care, he just had to calm Saïx anything else had less priority.

Hissing even louder, Saïx backed away from the silver haired.

„It´s okay, I won´t hurt you. See?" Riku wasn´t sure if he could deal with a berserk Saïx alone but it seemed like he had to, so he opened his hands to show they were empty.

Crawling closer was rather complicated, Riku didn´t had a good balance and without his hands he was totally lost, he fell over his own feet and fell onto his already hurt arm, pain exploded clouding his sight. Desperately he tried to blink it away he had to see clear if he wanted to help Saïx.

He straightened up again, his arm hurt like hell but he didn´t want Saïx to notices it. Saïx had backed away into the corner, hissing at Riku as he looked up.

His harmed arm pressed against his chest he crawled nearer. Blood was staining his shirt and his pants.

Suddenly Saïx attacked him, he kicked Riku back and used his chances to run past the confused silver haired. Riku sensed this sudden movement and managed to grab Saïx while falling. He reflexively pulled himself pulled himself close to the berserk.

Saïx stopped and at first didn´t quite understand the situation. Riku used this hesitation to hug the bluehaired.

„Calm down, I am not going to hurt you." the warmth and the fast heartbeat were rather comfortable. Riku could feel how the breathing and the heartbeat slowed down as Saïx calmed.

Without a reason, the bluehaired started to cry against Riku, he shivered and just cried wordless, Riku could do nothing then comforting him, holding him tight.

„Should I take you to the hospital?" Riku asked after a little silence had passed.

„No, let´s go back." Saïx voices sounded dry and weak.

„Back to what?" Riku asked, wondering where all the passengers had gone.

„To school, I don´t want you to skip any longer." Saïx nuzzled into Riku´s shirt.

„I was not skipping, I ran away from lunchbreak because of your call." Riku pouted.

„How did you get Axel´s mobile then?" asked Saïx, he stood up gracefully.

„I am now in yours and Axel´s school, because I changed." Riku explained.

„Why did you change school?" Saïx asked, he helped up Riku.

„I have been an outcast for so long now, I wanted to find some friends."

„Why are you an outcast? You´re such a nice person." Saïx asked. „Mind if I smoke?" he pulled a cigarettebox out of his pocket.

„No. I don´t know, I never really fitted in and so on."

Saïx lighted a cigarette with a zippo as they walked away.

„Wanna try?" he asked Riku as he met his questioning glance.

„Sure." Saïx handed the cigarette to Riku who took a very careful first pull, still he coughed like a madman, the cigarette nearly fell out of his hand.

Saïx smiled and took it back, blowing some smoke rings in the air.

„Show-off." pouted Riku, Saïx blew some of the smoke into his face as reply. Even now Riku coughed „How can you do something, that disgusting?" he asked.

„I like the taste, I can stop if you want me to?" Saïx blinked very trusting.

„You would just stop it over night for me?" asked Riku in disbelieve, he had heard enough about addicts.

„Yes, why not?" „Because you are addicted, you can´t just stop it like I don´t know." Riku gestured wildly through the air.

The reached the end of the park, several scared people stood there, some of them were interviewed, by police or journalists.

„Have you seen a hyper-aggressive psycho?" asked one of the policemen.

„No we haven´t seen anybody, have we Riku?" said Saïx in a what-did-I-miss-oh-I-don´t-really-care-tune.

„No, we were completely alone." nodded Riku.

And so the two of them left the journalists and the policemen.

--Author note

I am not a smoker and I got no idea how it is to be addicted, so don´t ask me. I think I´ll never start smoking because it tastes so sweet, and is not mine at all. I once tried it and it didn´t seem worth the money, the time nor the painful death this things can cause you. I didn´t cough, just so you know, despite the fact I took a deep puff down in my lungs. And I as it seems the only non-smoker who can tell that it tastes sweet, normally only smokers recognize that. As always please R&R.


	3. Chapter 3

_--chapter three playing go fish with bipolar disorder_

When the reached the school it was surprisingly still lunchbreak, loads of people stared at them like mad, when suddenly Axel appeared.

„Where have you been? I was worried!" he hugged Saïx.

„Oh nothing, really." Saïx tried to calm the red haired.

„You look like you had a steamy make-out session." Axel pouted. „Without me!"

„Get down, things are not always as they seem to be." Riku said, the bell rang and everybody went to his classes.

„You´ll have a whole lot to explain!" threatened Axel as he vanished into the hall.

Riku and Saïx looked at each other for a second and smirked both, the hugged briefly before splitting up and going to their own classes.

Riku came a bit too late and apologized „I am not used to such a great schoolbuilding and I got lost on the way. I am sorry sir."

His teacher looked at him in disbelieve „Did you went for a walk in the park, or what?"

His teacher smiled and told him to sit down. The rest of the lession was rather boring, some of the other students watched Riku. Tried to guess what he had done in the lunchbreak, „steamy makeout-session" was the main thought. Riku held back a smirk and said nothing.

After class Axel was waiting for him in the hall.

„What the fuck have you done to my mate?!" some of Riku´s classmates backed away from the red haired in an instant.

„Hello, yes I am fine. Why?" teased Riku.

„He got wounds all over his body!" Axel seem really worried.

Riku said nothing just showed his arm to Axel, it was sore but the wound had closed, it just looked horrible.

„What the... are you some sick fetishist?" Axel touched the wound carefully, it would make a awesome scar, once healed.

„Nope, it some kind of accident."Riku explained

„I don´t care, you will tell me what happened. Now!" Axel grabbed Riku by the shoulders and shook him.

„Why so rough?" Riku asked, he didn´t wanted to explain the whole situation.

„Because he said completely nothing! I feel like an outcast! You come up and he clungs to you like he had never done anything else! I had to talk to him for weeks, so he would let me touch him! And you, you say hello and he immediately forgets me!" Axel was gesturing wildly through he air.

„You got Roxas." said Riku calm.

„I know but he and I were best friends for so long and now you, some guy he met years before, show up and I am nothing to him!" Axel was nearly shouting.

„He´s just a friend of yours. You can´t tell him how much affection he should give to who." Riku stayed calm while Axel became even madder.

„That´s not he point! It´s just unfair, he forgets me and anybody else as long as you´re near." Axel pouted

„It´s your problem, I can´t help you." Riku wanted to leave and look for Saïx.

„Yes you can! You could just stay away from him, let us be happy. No you have to ruin everything!" Axel stamped like a kindergarten kid.

„Who are you talking about?" Saïx had appeared out of nothing next to Riku.

„About nobody." Axel pouted.

„How long have you been listing?" Riku asked.

„Since _„What the fuck have you done to my mate!?"_." Saïx said.

Axel pouted even more „I hate you two!" and vanished into the crowd.

„We have been talking about you." Riku blinked a little tired. „Why haven´t you told him what happened?"

„I told him we went on a walk through the park, that you tried to smoke, but ended coughing like mad and so on, y´know."

„Why aren´t you sick anymore?" Riku asked suddenly.

„I never was sick, I just acted as like so you would be happy and hung up." Saïx started to play with Riku´s silver hair.

„Why were you in the park in each case?" Riku normally didn´t liked it when people played with his hair, but he let Saïx do as he wanted.

„I don´t know, I thought I might meet somebody else who skipped."

„And did you?" Riku asked.

„No, I was happy when you phoned because I was so bored. I am very moody when I am bored." Saïx said apologizing.

„I am sorry for what I said. I never been much of a good negotiator." Riku and Saïx said in the same moment.

They looked at each other in surprise, Saïx smiled and Riku blushed.

„Got any idea why Axel is acting so strange?" Riku asked, skipping the silence that normally rose after something like this.

„He sometimes starts to talk about how much he needs me and how much he loves me and that he would do anything for me and stuff. I don´t know maybe he is envying you."

„But we are just friends, if he would want to be with you, I wouldn´t say anything."

Saïx looked at him a little confused „And I don´t get asked if I want to be with him, or with you?"

„Don´t misunderstand me, you are nice and you may be my closest friend but I don´t love you like I would love a Lover. I love you like a brother." Riku blinked a little confused, wasn´t that easy to see?

„Oh, and I wanted to ask you if we could marry once you´re eighteen." Saïx smiled brightly.

„Oh, what a pity. If I invite you to my wedding, will you invite me to yours?." Riku smiled back.

The two of them broke down in laughter. The surrounding crowd backed away from them even more. Two guys talking about weddings wasn´t perfectly normal, despite the fact this school was used to Axel´s and Saïx´s makeout sessions.

The two calmed down, but still giggled. „I think we should look for Axel and say sorry." Riku said.

„You´ll do nothing, he is my best friend, not yours." Riku blinked several times.

„And what about me?" Saïx smiled and patted Riku head.

„You are too young to understand the friendship between men."

„I didn´t mean that. I meant, does that mean I am only second best friend?" Riku pouted.

„You can´t compare Axel and you. You are so different. I love you in different ways. I can´t say who I like more or less."

Riku looked at Saïx in disbelieve „You really like this loon?"

„Yes, why not? We share a lot of memories. He helped me several times when I felt bad, he was always there to comfort me, just because he acts a little weird sometimes doesn´t mean I don´t like him. Nobody is perfect, y´know." Saïx nodded.

The rest of the day was rather boring. Riku and Saïx sticked together and rumors made their way that they were a couple.

The next two days were food for those rumors. When Saïx and Riku first met, the hugged and kissed like the hadn´t seen each other for years, then they talked, talked and talked like they wanted to catch up what they had missed in the years of department.

When they departed to went to their classes, some girls nearly cried because it looked so dramatic.

When they met again, they hugged and kissed and the same girls (they seemed to be a sick fanclub) nearly cried again. They were taking millions of pictures.

Riku couldn´t really imagine this as his day-to-day life but he kind of like the idea.

It was th second day and they spent the lunchbreak together, the two of them having a tale alone like the day before, the fanclub was seated on tables nearby, the still took photos and giggled like on the first day. Riku wasn´t sure if they had multiplied or minimized.

Again they two of them laughed and felt happy. Riku started to feed the rest of his fries to Saïx, who smiled lewdly. Every now and then he touch Riku´s fingers with his lips. The girls where nearly dying with envy.

„What are you guys doing? I haven´t seen you much the last two days.." said Axel, he had appeared at the table.

„What perverted games are you playing?!" he backed away reflexively as he saw Saïx munching his fries happily and Riku wiping the spit of his fingers.

„I am feeding him with french fries, want some?" Riku reached out to give some of the fries to Axel.

Before Axel even blinked, Saïx had grabbed the fries with his mouth. Badass as he was, he had cought some of Riku´s fingers too and sucked them gently. He smirked very mean.

„Bad Saïx, Axel surely wanted those fries." Riku held back a laugh.

„No I didn´t." Axel backed away even more.

„So what do you want from us?" Saïx asked, he had swallow the fries and let go of Riku´s fingers.

„I just wanted to tell you that you can have the flat this afternoon, no this night, no the whole week. I am going to stay with Roxas!" with a hint Axel was away.

„What flat?" Riku asked.

„We share a little apartment. We moved away from our hometown because he couldn´t stand being near his parents anymore." Saïx ate the rest of the fries.

„Why did you move with him?"

„I didn´t wanted to leave him alone. I suggested it, because I saw how much he suffered, from being with his parents. We did move here, because the apartment was the cheapest we could find." Saïx explained simply.

„Oh." Riku replied simply.

Silence rose from between them.

Riku thought about taking Saïx´s hand and telling him how much he had missed him or something like this when suddenly a manic blond appeared out of nowhere.

„Heya! What did you blokes do to Ax, he is a walking puddle of disgust." The blond moved even as he talked. He talked fast, somehow outdrawn and connected words to sentence snakes, little australian like.

„Hello Demyx. We just offered him some french fries. How would you like coming over to my place after school and playing go fish?" Saïx smiled friendly.

„Oh my god! Go fish! I really looooove go fish! Of course not! I will play my new song to you! Who else is coming?" Demyx bounced around like a rubber ball. The excitement letting him talk even faster and less understandable.

(it sounded like this ohhhhmyhhhgohhhdgohhhfihhsh!)

„I thought about Riku if you want you could bring somebody and I´d love to hear your new song."

„Yay! I´ll ask Zexy! Bye then!" Demyx bounced away sing some kind of strange song „(...)I am going to Saïx´s place with Zexy and Riku and we´ll play go fish! Oh joy!(...)"

„What was that?" asked Riku.

„Demyx, he is manic, he is like this all time, the only one who can stand this longer than a hour is Zexion, you´ll meet him today as it seems." Saïx seemed to be amused by the thought.

The rest of the day passed fast.

Zexy turned out to be one of the emos in Riku´s poetry club. The leader-emo as it seemed. It was depressing just to look at him.

Zexion was th child of two famous scientist, from his birth on he had been drilled to become one too. He had been taken away from his parents because they had nearly killed him. He had, in a test, with 100 points possible, only reached 99 ¾. It was a mistake from the teacher and corrected later, but they had nearly killed him because of this.

His depression (it really was one) came from that he had never be so good to be praised from his parents. They always had said „Good, but you can make it better if you would study harder." and never cared him. Always just studied and worked.

He lived in a hostel with other kids, like Demyx who spend a year away from his family to see the world.

He didn´t talk much and if he talked very low and fast. He practically whispered. How Demyx could understand even a single word was a mystery to Riku.

Demyx really was manic and hyper-active but he could play his instrument like it was part of his body.

He told Riku a little about his live: he had been born in Australia as kid of a Dutch and an American. Both of them played Sitar, the strange instrument he played. He had been teached how to play since he was three, back there he practiced 16 hours a day. Now because of school and stuff he only practiced 4-6 hours. He wanted to become a great sitarist as Vilayat Khan. His dream was to go to india and find a teacher who could teach him how to let it rain.

Because if you play indian music the right way something strange happens, this songs weren´t composed just for fun but to heal and to let it rain, it was Demyx dream to let it rain and he practiced all day just for that goal.

The song he played was slow. He gave each note it´s own personality, it´s own live, complete with family, enemies, friends, haters, lovers, past and future. Each note. It sounded amazing. When he picked up speed those notes started to dance, friends with friends, family with family even haters seemed to dance with each other in harmony.

Riku was amazing in playing go fish. He had never played before, but it seemed like he was very talented.

In each case it got late and Demyx and Zexion left. Riku phoned his parents and told them he would spend the night with a friend. They seemed overly happy.

He went home and picked up his things while Saïx cooked something undefinable with noodles. Surprisingly it tasted good.

Because Axel didn´t seem to come home tonight Riku slept in his bed. Which made little difference to sleeping on the floor because both beds stood in the same room. This long day had made him tired, he fell asleep immediately.

--Author note

Yes I play Sitar too. Kinda obvious isn´t it. Oh and in India there really do exist kids that learn this instrument since the are three and the really learn 16 hours a day. Ravi Shankar (you may know him if parents are hippies or so) had learned 20 hours a day for more than ten years, and he can´t let it rain. He plays notes, but doesn´t give them life, he is disrespecting them, thinks he is better but we are all made of sound. I think Demyx is short for reaching his goal, because he can make the notes sound. For example when I play it sounds like I am raping my sitar, if my teacher plays it sounds like he is talking to his sitar (he plays for about 40 years) if Ravi Shankar plays it sounds like he is kissing his Sitar (he plays for 60 years) and if my teacher´s favorite Vilayat Khan plays it sounds like he jacking off because this instrument is part of his body (he is dead and I got no idea how long he played) sorry for my language but it´s the only way I can describe it. And I think Demyx is something in between Ravi and Vilayat, maybe fucking a waterclone or I don´t know.


	4. Chapter 4

_--chapter four a 2 am breakfast with ice cream, sandwiches and Axel_

Riku was woken up by the noise of an opening door.

„Saïx?" a low call, but definitely Axel.

Riku didn´t wanted to talk to the red haired and acted like he was asleep.

„Where are you?" the redhaired stepped into the flat and closed the door behind him.

Axel stepped into the room, looking around. When he noticed Riku. „What is this guy doing here?!" he asked himself.

„Be quiet or you might wake him." Saïx voice was very low.

„Hey, beauty." Riku could hear them kissing and was short before blushing brightly.

„But what is he doing here?" asked Axel.

„I invited him to stay overnight, if you don´t mind." they kissed again.

„And did you..?" asked Axel not finishing his sentence.

„Why does everything in your life seems to lead to just one thing, can you tell me that?" Saïx chuckled.

„Oh I just wondered if we could have a sandwich or so." Riku was happy for the darkness, he was blushing nearly radiant. „And I don´t know the reason. Maybe because we live in the same house." a low moan.

Riku was cursing himself for acting like he was asleep, but better than a sandwich in each case.

„How about...?" started the redhaired but was interrupted by Saïx „As said I won´t do nothing as long as he is here." Axel was definitely pouting, Riku was more than sure about that.

„But ...?" Axel tried again. „I said no." Saïx sounded serious by now.

„Oh why? I bet his parents do it every night." the pout grew larger „We are not his parents, A, and I bet not I the same room." Saïx sounded slightly amused.

„Why did you invite him, I have waited the whole day for this and now it seems like I have to wait another day." Axel sounded like a little kid, who saw the candy but couldn´t reach it.

„You´ll have to wait." said Saïx calm.

„What´s so wonderful about this Riku in each case? I mean he is ugly, stupid and so not your type." Axel was pissed because he didn´t got his way and now picked on Riku.

„Why do you know what my type is?" asked Saïx, the blue haired sounded like he could think about the statement „You´ll have to wait."

„He didn´t said how long." Riku shrugged, he had known it from the start (see chapter one „(...)Hugging couldn´t be the only thing he wanted(...)" O.o) why did he never believe himself?

„You type is every male being, don´t have to be gay. You can turn them as straight as a circle before he blinks twice, my friend." Axel sounded very serious.

„And Riku?" Saïx definitely smiled, the silver haired was sure.

„Riku is so girlish it would shock San Francisco. He´ll be a transvestite before his seventeen birthday. Or at least an emo, but one of those about who you never can tell if they are girls or boys." Axel nodded.

„You might be right, but we know each other since elementary school and he got a nice personality. If you know him, that means." the bluehaired sounded sincere, and Riku blushed even brighter.

Riku was shocked, did he really look so queer? He would have to ask somebody, as soon as he could get away from this sex addicts.

„How about sleeping, I am tired." Saïx said.

„I don´t want to sleep anywhere near this crossdresser." Axel sounded nearly hysterical.

„It´s alright I´ll sleep in your bed and you can have mine, okay?" Saïx didn´t sound tired at all.

„Why can´t we cuddle?" Axel pouted again.

„Because you´ll start to moan in your sleep, as you always do."

„Mean! Okay hug your little fag, I will stay alone in this cold night!" Axel sounded over dramatic.

„You can cuddle with him if you need to." suggested Saïx.

„Not afraid of me moaning?" Axel wasn´t afraid of the „crossdresser" anymore as it seemed.

„No. You don´t like him enough to." a statement, that didn´t hurt Riku, he was happy to don´t be liked by this weirdo.

„What if I dream of you?" The red haired was acting like a little girl, blinking twice trustfully, or so did Riku imagine.

„Then we are screwed, but I trust you enough to don´t think of me before you fall asleep." Saïx sounded like he really wanted to end this conversation.

„It´s hard NOT to think of your cute little ass, when I know your in the same room." Axel sounded low and lewdly.

Riku was blushing again, hoping he wouldn´t start to moan in his sleep. But he wasn´t gay. Was Axel right, had Saïx turned him gay? He didn´t know.

I don´t care, I´ll go to sleep now and you can choose." Saïx lay down in his bed and nuzzled into his pillow.

„You always have the last word, don´t you?" chuckled Axel. „Shut the hell up and go to sleep." beefed Saïx back.

„Okay, okay." Axel stripped down and lay down next to Riku, without hesitation.

He was warm and held Riku very close, so close Riku could feel he was only wearing boxers.

Axel didn´t notice Riku was awake and fell asleep after a few minutes, snoring lowly.

Suddenly Saïx stood up and also curled up against Riku, who was pressed against the wall by now.

Axel moaned in his sleep and Riku didn´t want to think about how strange waking up would be, hugged by two older males who he knew for half a week... Not a very good way to start a day.

„Are you awake?" asked Saïx lowly.

Riku stayed silent, he thought Axel was meant and he didn´t wanted to talk to this sexaddict.

„Riku? Axel sleeps so deep we could scream on top of our lungs and he wouldn´t wake up." the thought made Riku smile.

„Yes I am." he said lowly.

„For how long?" the blue haired asked.

„Since Axel opened the frontdoor." Riku sounded gravely serious.

Saïx laughed lowly „Don´t take him too serious. He is always like that when he is tired."

„And you?" asked Riku without thinking.

„I play those game with him, they are funny." Riku didn´t expect that.

„Can you proof it?" Riku liked playing those „Show-me-I-can-trust-you-games" a lot.

Saïx thought for a long time. „Isn´t my word enough?"

„No, not if you are a as mad sexaddic as it seems to me." Riku nodded to himself.

„Then I´ll make you trust me more. Ask me something, what ever you want. If I can answer it I will." Riku was surprised. He had no idea what to ask, when suddenly he had a idea.

„What would you ask if you could ask me one question and I would have to answer it truthfully if I can. I mean I can´t tell you the meaning of live or so."

Saïx chuckled „A wise choose. Hm I would ask what was your deepest and best hidden secret. Or so."

Riku wasn´t sure if he should lie because it was really embarrassing but, he had swore to say the truth... He was expecting the worse „That´s easy, I dreamed, I now have to say it was short after you left and I watched a barbie movie the day before, I dreamed you would come on a white horse and rescue me from my room." it was really embarrassing, Riku wished he hadn´t said it.

Saïx broke down in laughter, even Axel nuzzled something like „Shut up." in his sleep.

„Oh god, that´s priceless. I wish I´d dream something like that." Saïx shook uncontrollable with laughter.

Riku was blushing, he hated his strange dreams, just yesterday he had dreamed he was a brown banana growing inside of the moon and singing songs about how he would take over the world.

„Now you, what is your deepest and best hidden secret." Riku asked.

„Hm... I think if you would ask me know to wake up Axel and make a sandwich, I would get some bread and peanutbutter and make a 2 am breakfast."

„What the fuck? Are you sure your mental health is alright?" Riku didn´t know if he should be shocked or laughing.

„Yeah, I always wanted to do that." Saïx was really scaring Riku now.

„Well then, Let´s wake up Axel and make a sandwich!" Riku didn´t know why he said this but Axel seemed to be a lighter sleeper than any body expected.

„What? Sandwich? Where? Who? Now?" he nearly jumped up, Saïx fell out of the bed and Riku was pressed against the wall.

„We decided to have a 2 am breakfast." explained Saïx from the floor.

„Oh..." as fast as he had woke up, Axel fell back to sleep.

Saïx stood up and helped Riku crawl over Axel. And so they sat in the kitchen, both bright awake and ate a 3:23 am breakfast.

They really had everything for a good sandwich, even ice cream. So they made up a contest who could make the worst sandwich.

Riku won by far...

His sandwich contained: a banana, choco syrup, uncooked tofu, ketchup, yogurt, cottage cheese and his personal favorite some coffee beans.

Saïx wasn´t so bad but close to...

His sandwich contained: an apple, brie and some other cheese, tuna and several other fish out of cans and glasses of all size, some noodles from yesterday and his personal favorite: high concentrated vitamin c powder called ascorbin acid.

Saïx sandwich tasted better by far.

„What are you guys doing?" Axel stood in the doorframe, he still only wore his boxers. The pattern made Riku smile: some brown white and black bunnys eating carrots.

„Eating sandwiches." said Saïx, Riku swallowed his smile down, he had noticed that smilling at Axel´s boxers wasn´t so healthy.

„Is some ice cream left?"

„I think so."

Axel walked over to the fridge and took out a huge bucket. One of those who take 5 litres.

He sat down between Riku and Saïx with a great spoon and started to eat. Riku finished his sandwich, it was part of the contest to eat your sandwich, if you didn´t you lost.

Saïx and Riku were hit by several ice cream splashes. Saïx was worse off, he got hit in the eye, Riku´s sandwich was attacked 3 times. Axel´s hair was surprisingly clean a.k.a. it was totally white.

„Could you eat slower, please?" Riku asked, wiping some of the vanilla ice off his cheek.

„But it tastes so good." pouted Axel, he actually stopped eating.

„But I get dirrty." pouted Riku back.

Before he could say anything Axel forced him into a kiss, Riku tried to back away but Axel had locked his arms behind his head. Riku somehow had to confess that the ice cream tasted good.

Saïx helped him immediately and pulled Axel off him roughly and pressed the head of the redhaired into the ice cream bucket, he counted from one to five slowly and then let go of him.

„What was that for?!" shouted Axel as he gasped for air, his hair and face even more white.

„You kissed Riku without permission." Saïx sounded serious, Riku imagined to hear the „my" in the sentence. „I wanted to wake you up, to say sorry."

„It´s alride I´m fine." insisted Riku.

„No I am sorry I loose control when I am over tired. Oh and Saïx you had right, he really..." Axel didn´t came further because Saïx pressed him into the ice cream again.

„I think I should go to bed now." Axel said as Saïx released him. He was coughing a little, gave his friend a meaningful glance and vanished out of the kitchen.

Riku was unsure what this glance meant but he was sure it wasn´t something too bad.

„Got any idea what Axel meant?" he asked unsure.

„No, I think we should go to bed too." Saïx replied with a yawn.

Riku didn´t refuse, he was tired too. Saïx put away the bucket while Riku went back to the bedroom and fell into the bed without the snoring Axel.

Saïx came short after him, he lay down with Axel. „Good night." said Riku lowly. „Night." was the answer.

Riku somehow envied Axel because he felt alone, cold and unloved. It didn´t took long and Saïx was asleep too, Riku could sense that. He had enough sleep overs with Saïx to know when the berserk had fallen asleep.

Because there was no other opinion he doze away too.

--Author note

My Author notes are so long... rather scary in each case, I just have to tell you, that I know what Axel said and you don´t :P. I am the Author obey me my readers as always please R&R


	5. Chapter 5

_--chapter five as mysterious as the dark side of the mizrab  
_

„PEEP! PEEP!"**SMACK!** the Alarm clock was silent, Riku was bright awake

and Axel fell asleep again, nuzzling into his pillow.

Riku stood up, „How somebody have a alarm clock that loud? Their poor neighbors!" he thought.

The clock showed 6 am, he sighed who the heck stood up that early?

He looked at Axel and Saïx. The two were curled up against each other, so close that their foreheads were touching. They looked somehow cute.

Riku didn´t wanted to wake them up and left the bedroom and shut the door. He wasn´t sure what he should do til the the blue and the redhaired woke up. Suddenly he remembered seeing a bookshelf in the kitchen.

Reading a book would sure be a good activity. Maybe he could eat an apple or something for breakfast. Endless opportunities already at six am!

He really was too tired, but once awake he could hardly go to sleep again, even if he was short before passing out. Riku stepped into the kitchen and there really stood a small bookshelf.

It was covered with post-it notes. „Buy quick cooking noodles" „Give Demyx his mizrab back" for example, Riku was wondering what a „mizrab" was supposed to be.

He decided that he would find that out soon enough so, he looked what kind of books were there.

A whole lot of strange stuff like poetry collections, biographies of people Riku had never heard of, Do-It-yourself books from building a rucksack out of junk to painting your flat in the colors of the season, some artbooks who looked rather strange, lyric books from all kind of bands, some books about music from india and of course a lot of novels mainly about fucked up kids, drugs, alcohol, suicide, bulimia and so on.

All books were colorful like a mad carnival of words, Riku backed away a little overwhelmed by so much color and culture squeezed together in this shelf. All of the sudden the silverhaired noticed a familiar book. Rumo and his miraculous adventures.

Without thinking he pulled out the the book between, catcher in the rye and the melancholic death of oyster boy. He book was rather old, often read and he had the feeling like he had seen it before.

Riku opened the book, on the inside there was something written. The ink was old and faint but Riku could still read it without problem.

_Dear son,_

_I tried my best to don´t forget your birthday like last year but I´ve failed. I am sorry. I give you this book as short-after-birthday-not-birthday-present-as-apologize-for-forgetting-your-birthday-present._

_Kiss and hug your dad_

Riku smiled. He knew this lines by heart. He had read this book a thousand times when he was younger. Because his dad had given this book to him when he was six. Riku was unsure how this book came here but he was happy to see it again after so many years.

„Does this book remind you of your father?" asked Saïx, the bluehaired had appeared out of nowhere and rested his chin on Riku´s head.

„No, I see my father every day." Riku was puzzled

„You very seldom see kids that stay with their fathers."

„My parents aren´t divorced." said Riku very confused. „They are very happy together I think."

„Hm? Sorry I am too used to patchwork families, long time since I´ve seen a „normal"one. If your parents hurt you, drug you or force you to be a prostitute, just call me."

„My parents are strictly against drugs and violence." Riku was totally puzzled, what was Saïx talking.

„I just wanted you to know." Saïx said simply.

„Why do think my parents are divorced or hurting me? Shouldn´t be normal parents be nice with each other and with their kids?" Riku didn´t thought this was naive he thought it was normal.

„I´ve lived in a home for run away kids for some time, I somehow got used to divorced and violent parents and abused kids. There are so many of them." Saïx sounded sad, he really had seen this several times.

„Tell about it, I wanna now about your past!" Riku insited with great interest.

„Tell me about your past first." said Saïx smilling softly „Mine is too tragic to tel it so early in the morning.

„Not much to say: I was born, went to kindergarten had no friends then in elementary school I had you and I was happy, Middle school&High school : I was alone, but as it seems now I met you again that´s brightening up my live, happy now?"

Saïx laughed. „You never did anything like learning an instrument or a sport or so?"

„No, never I am too lazy." was Riku´s reply and that was true.

„Okay, the truth is I don´t want to tell my life to anybody who asks for it." Riku pouted, was he really anybody? „Actually I don´t want to talk about my past at all, not even to Axel."

„Why?" Riku asked.

„To say it short, I got my reasons, and they are good ones, can you understand that?"

„No, explain them to me!" Riku knew he was acting childish, but he didn´t care.

„The last person I told about it has left me right after, he said that he couldn´t stand hurting me anymore and that my fate was worse than death" Saïx voice was gravely deep.

„But I am not like him! Trust me!" Riku really wanted to know Saïx´s past by now. I mean a story worse than death? Teenagers will love it.

„No and that´s final."

„You´re mean!"

„I got my reasons." Riku pouted he didn´t like others having the last word.

Silence rose and was broken.

„Uhm... where did you get that book from?" asked Riku to change the subject.

„Rumo and his miraculous adventures? You borrowed it to me, don´t you remember? You said it was your favorite book and..." Saïx giggled.

„Holy shit what did I say?" thought Riku.

„That you would be Rala and I would be Rumo and that we would be happy for ever." Saïx chuckled.

„Who is Rala?" the question echoed through his mind for a moment. „The girlfriend of the maincharacter, Rumo! Oh my god! I am sooooo screwed!" Riku was blushing brightest.

„I think that´s cute." pouted Saïx, of course he had noticed Riku´s blush. „Mind if I keep the book I want to force Axel to read it."

„Do as you like, the book is all yours." Riku was fighting his blush back.

„How do you mean that?" Saïx asked.

„I thought because you got that book for so long and I have read it so often I know great part of it by heart that I might give it to you as present, you know."

„But that´s your book I only borrowed it." Saïx was utterly confused. „I want to give it back to you someday!"

„But you don´t have to, because it´s your book now." Riku said.

„Oh... okay, thanks." the bluehaired was confused.

„Why do get up so early?" asked Riku before an awkward silence even had the change rose.

„Hm Axel sleeps so long, it´s easier to wake him up if he gets woken up so early."

„And you?" Riku asked. „It must be tough to get up so early ever morning."

„Hm, no you get used to it. I am hungry, what do you want for breakfast?" Saïx stood up.

„Tea would be great." Riku said with a yawn, „Our conversations are quite strange that´s for sure" he thought.

„What kind? Lemon, orange, cinnamon..."

„I prefer cinnamon, I didn´t knew we had lemon." Axel was leaning in the doorframe smirking.

„Haha very funny, just that we are talking about tea and not what your sick brain thinks. Good morning sleepy head." they kissed.

Riku wasn´t sure what they could have talked about. Why did he never get any of Axel´s jokes? Was he too stupid or did you have to be gay to get them? Riku really didn´t want to know.

„Good morning my mate, yes lemon tea would be fine."

„I am not asked? I want cinnamon! I´ve never tasted lemon tea before." Riku pouted.

„I am older than you are and I can decided which tea we drink because it´s my house." beefed Axel back.

„We could drink this strange tea Demyx ought for us as christmas present „ginger green tea" sounds kinda interesting." suggested Saïx.

„Who is asking you?" Riku and Axel snapped unison.

The three of them started to laugh. In the end the drank (another) tea from Demyx, teas seemed to be his favorite present, called winter wonder land.

It tasted as it sounded -horrible. Although if you drowned it in honey and milk it tasted slightly better. They ended up drinking pure milk with honey leaving the tea out.

The rest of the morning was rather chaotic, mostly because Axel got sleepy from the milk with honey and started groping Riku´s ass. Saïx attacked the redhaired with a bucket of ice cold water as revenge.

Which woke him up brightly, Riku was glad about that. But now the two of them were soaking wet and cold.

It took hours for their hair to dry, despite the mad blow dryer Axel pulled out of nowhere. It dried so hot Riku nearly burned his neck several times. And because Riku had nothing to change into he had to borrow some cloth from Saïx and Axel.

The only things that were small enough to for him looked utterly strange in combination.

A red-green-black striped shirt with a pot leave and a tight black leather pant.

Axel broke down in laughter when he saw Riku. „Oh god, this is priceless! We should take pictures of this and sell them on the internet!"

„Oh why I think he is cute." Saïx hugged the silverhaired and bit his ear playful.

Axel calmed down on the spot. „You would call him cute if he wore a dress."

„Then especially." was Saïx reply.

„How shut up or I´ll go nude!" threatened Riku.

Axel smiled lewdly „Saïx would stop you before you left this house and" Saïx kicked him hard, without letting got of Riku.

„Ouch, what was that for?" asked Axel. He gasped for air.

„You were getting tired again."Saïx answered simply. „And we gotta leave or we´ll miss the first class."

So the three of them hurried to get their things and left. No time for Riku to change his outfit.

The two males left Riku in front of the schoolbuilding because they had gym. So Riku was alone.

„This school isn´t so different from my old one." he thought as he walked the halls without being noticed despite his ruffled, not used to blow drying hair or his sick emo-nerd-mix-outfit.

He sighed and scratched the bruise on his left arm, wondering how a scar on another scar would look.

--Author note

It seems like most of the people who read this are far too lazy to review. Well I don´t mind I´m also too lazy to review. Thanks to 6-The-cloaked-Nocturne-9 who still wastes her precious time with doing it. YOU´RE AWESOME!!!!

In each case I can´t stop saying how much I love Axel´s hints and I won´t explain them to you. Just insert whatever you want, as long as it´s funny.


	6. Chapter 6

_--chapter six the summer night that smelled like sex, drugs and burned hair_

„Riku!" Out of nowhere Demyx plopped up dragging a unhappy Zexion with him.

„What are you doing here?" Demyx outdrawn speech was higher than normal.

„Maybe he´s sugarhigh." Riku.thought

„Hello Demyx, I just wanted to go to my class." Riku explained.

„You smell like sex, drugs and burned hair." mumbled Zexion.

Demyx leaned forward and smelled Riku´s shirt. „Yes faintly." was his reply, he shivered in disgust.

„I can´t stand that smell, Demyx please let us leave now!" Zexion raised his voice to a normal volume.

„Oh, I don´t want to leave Riku alone and I think I can do something against the smell." Riku was still rather shocked. He smelled like drugs and sex? He who had never even been close to both smelled like it?

„Haha!" Demyx pulled a black hoodie out of his schoolbag. „Put that on." he gave it to Riku.

Riku smelled it carefully and nearly dropped it. The hoodie smelled like sweet tabak, mango taste guessed Riku.

With a look at Zexion he put the hoodie on. It was far too big for him. At least the shirt was covered and he now only looked like an emokid.

„Much better." Zexion sighed.

„What is this?" Riku wasn´t sure if he wanted to smell like drugs, burned hair, sex and cheap tabak.

„Axel borrowed me this some time ago, I think you smell like him right now." Demyx explained.

„Okay, I don´t want to know why Axel smells like drugs, sex or burned hair but where does this tabak smoke smell does come from?I never saw him smoking." The smell was rather annoying.

„He doesn´t smoke, Saïx and that a whole lot more than it would be good for him." Demyx said gravely.

„Okay, I think we should change the subject." Riku suggested.

„I have nothing to say against." „Me too."

A awkward silence rose from between them. „So Riku you said you knew Saïx since elementary school. How was he back there?" Zexion asked.

„Riku doesn´t remember that, didn´t you know that Zexion?" Demyx replied instead of the silverhaired.

„No I do remember him back there, that with the lost memories was just a lie." Riku wondered why Saïx had never asked him about that.

Demyx blinked twice. „Why did you lie?" he asked naively.

„I was afraid to be hurt again, you know back there he left me without explanation and it took me a long time to trust anybody afterwards." Riku smiled sadly. This was the reason why he had been an outcast, he hadn´t talked to the people and when he had started talking to them, they had already formed cliques and there was no space for him.

„Don´t you remember the reason, or don´t you want to tell it to us?" Zexion asked.

„I never knew it, I swear." Riku was surprised by this question.

„Maybe you should talk to Xigbar, I bet he could tell you the reason." Demyx suggested.

„Who is Xigbar?" Riku asked.

„Saïx´s brother, he takes lunch in _the moon_ since he started studying psychology. He is rather strange and he refuses talking to any of us. Even to Axel. And because Saïx says nothing about his past, is guessing all we can do." Zexion looked up to Riku.

„Good I will talk to him. I am use to psychos." Riku´s joke went wrong and the awkward silence rose again. Thnakfully the bell rang and their group splitted up. The rest of the day went by with out anything remarkable. Saïx nor Axel nor Demyx nor Zexion showed up and Riku stayed to his plan to meet Xigbar. He didn´t knew how he looked but how different it could be to find the brother of Saïx. I mean blue hair was and is rather rare.

When Riku went into bar and nobody looked up to see who had entered. He was just one of the hundreds of kids for who _the moon_ was their second home.

He spied Xigbar immediately, he didn´t knew why but somehow he knew that the blackhaired in the corner was Xigbar, maybe he had seen him before but he was more than sure about it. He walked over to Saïx´s brother and noticed how grayish his hair looked. „Just like that guy in „catcher in the rye"." he thought.

He sat down opposite to the blackhaired, who was reading the wallstreet journal. „Hey Riku, long time no see." Xigbar didn´t look up from his paper.

„Hello, Xigbar." Riku was frightened by now, he hated psychologists. The idea of being analyzed was horrible to him.

„So what do you want?" Riku blinked twice, he had been staring at his hands and now he looked into Xigbar´s yellow eye. Eye, singular, the other eye was cover by a pirate like eyepatch.

„Uhm..." Riku started but lost his plot. „I... You..." he tried again but the words slipped from his mind before he could form a sentence.

Xigbar smiled „As if. I am not pedophile, kid." he looked back at his journal. Silence rose from between them. The silverhaired tried to form something in his mind that looked at least a little like a sentence. The blush on his face wasn´t exactly helping.

He pulled himself together and spoke as confident as he could „I wanted to ask you if you could tell me something about Saïx past." Xigbar sighed and looked up. Riku´s confidence broke into pieces. He really hated psychologists.

„As if. Why should I if he don´t want to why should I? Don´t you and your little friends get that? You are supposed to know at least something about it. He told it to you a thousand times back when you where young."

Before Xigbar could look back at his paper Riku pulled himself together again and said „But that´s the problem. I remember nothing from back there."

„As if. You would´t be talking to me if you didn´t remember Saïx, very few people get friend with him nowadays. Even back there you were the only one." Xigbar seemed to be drifting away in memories.

„Yes, I know. Of course I remember we were friends and how close we were but about his past or you and the whole rest, I forgot completely. If I hadn´t met Saïx, I think I would´t know anything about it. It´s a hole in my past! You can´t imagine how strange it is if there is something missing in your memories." Riku was melodramatic, he knew that, but it broke out of him.

„So the hypnotize worked, how interesting." Xigbar had pulled out a college pad and was busily scribbling.

„What hypnotize?" Riku was nearly hysterical by now.

„The last time we saw your parents before we left town, they said something like they would hypnotize you so you would forget Saïx. Or so." Xigbar looked up briefly from his pad and eyed Riku.

„What?" the silverhaired was utterly confused, „Why should my parents make me forget Saïx and you and...?"

„They were worried that your little brain would´t stand the damage Saïx had cause it and wanted to protect you."

„What damage?" Riku was alarmed, instinctively he pulled his left arm closer to his chest. The bruise hurt still if he overstretched it, like now. But he didn´t really care. It would be shitty if it reopened but his parents would´t notice it. They tried their best not to look at his arm, they felt guilty that they hadn´t protected their son back there in elementary school and he was marked for life now.

„As said I won´t tell you anything that has to do with Saïx´s past. I owe him that." then he noticed Riku´s arm. „Is that, the thing you got in the waffle-park-action? Looks pretty healed." Xigbar leaned forward to touch the bruise carefully.

„What do you know about the waffle park thing?" Riku didn´t back away from the blackhead´s cool touch.

„I am Saïx´s brother, of course he tells me if he turns berserk in public and wounds ten people so badly the were brought to the hospital."

„Was he served, or something?" Riku was worried instantly. Saïx plus prison definitely equaled nothing good.

„No, he was proclaimed as unreasonable, back when he was fourteen. He can´t go to prison but his word is officially worth nothing. Of course they can ground him and if he behaves too bad send him to the happy farm. But beside the aggression he is sane so it´s quite a misery. On one side you have a sane man on the other side a hyper aggressive monster, as long as the man has the upper hand he is allowed to walk free. And if the monster gets the upper hand... well I don´t wanna think about it."

The silverhaired blinked, nobody had told him that. „USN´t their any cure, I mean we can do so much against psychotic diseases?"

„Yes against the well-known, Saïx´s disease is something unique. Even the doctors don´t exactly know if it´s caused by traumas in the past, a gene defect like his blue hair or transmitted like the yellow eyes or the pointy ears." Xigbar shook his head thoughtful.

„I think it´s a mix out of the three, because, y´know, when Saïx was born he was very aggressive, he couldn´t control himself and hurt mom several times. They had to part them for months so Saïx couldn´t hurt her anymore. For those five months or so he was completely alone because nobody dared coming near him."

Riku looked at the blackhaired in disbelieve. „The left an near to defenseless baby parted from his mother alone for five months?!"

„No, of course they cared for him, but the were armored with special gloves and stuff so he couldn´t bite them. But in each case that is also the main reason why our parents broke up. My mother wanted to put him to the happy farm my dad wanted to keep him. I could hear them discussing all day and night. In the end my mother left me and my father alone to care for Saïx."

„What did you do then?" Riku was happy to be told at least a little of Saïx´s past.

„We did the best we could, but raising to children isn´t easy, especially if one is a half psycho. Still dad always tried his best, he told us that we could make it without mom that we just had to be strong.

Saïx never cried for mom, not even in his dreams. He never cared about anybody back there. The people in kindergarten knew he was hyperaggresive and they tried their best to part him a little from th other kids. He ended up drawing pictures while the group sang songs. He never cared about the isolation. He never cared about the other kids calling him dwarf because of the his pointy ears."

Riku had to held back a smirk at that point, of course calling somebody dwarf was mean and stuff, but it did fit.

„In the end when the kids should say goodbye to each other they all just called him dwarf, not because they meant it, no they just didn´t knew his real name even some of the parents thought his name was dwarf. We were scared what would happen in elementary school because we didn´t wanted him to be isolated like he had in kindergarten. Of course the isolation had minimized his aggression to a minimum but it wasn't healthy either. He would´t be sane if elementary school had turned out to be like kindergarten. Nobody can be alone for so long at such a young age.

Riku nodded, he knew how it was to be alone and he was not sure if he would´t be sane if highschool has stayed like middle school had been.

„it turned out that his Teachers tried to integrate him into the class. What was more than stupid and homicidal. Saïx wasn´t used to affection and couldn´t understand what they others meant. A whole lot of missunderstoods happened and his teachers tried even harder ´til one day Saïx gave it all up."

„How do you mean that?" Riku asked.

„He stopped talking to anybody even to me and our father. His marks fell to the floor because he never answered a question or raised his hand. His classmates avoided him, scared of his silence. Then came that day. The day you first met. I wasn´t there but I asked several teachers and pupils who witnessed that moment. Some guys picked on Saïx because he never said a word and he was ignoring them then you showed up and told them to stop because it wasn´t right what they did and stuff only a littlie would say or think." the silver haired chuckled.

Riku thought back if he remembered that moment, who was as it seemed one of the most important n his life, he didn´t.

„In each case Saïx went berserk and nearly attacked you -the witnesses don´t agree why- he stopped. He hugged you." Xigbar smirked. „If that wasn´t love at first sight I would´t know what else."

Riku blushed „I´m not gay." he muttered lowly.

„As if you´re the gayest boy I´ve met in my life." Xigbar smirked from ear to ear, Riku blushed even brighter.

„Okay enough fun, so you and Saïx became friends. You clung together like someone had glued you at each other. Saïx adored you, you was all he talked about. But peace didn´t last long, you should remember that, no hypnotize can erase those images."Xigbar sounded gravely the smirk had faded.

And really Riku remembered all those times Saïx had turned Berserk, all those he had hurt and how Riku had calmed him each time. He also remembered his teachers talking about how difficult he was and stuff.

„And what was the reason he had to leave? My arm?" Riku fell back into a kindergartner´s´s voice, influenced by his newfound memories.

„As if. The thing with your arm was way smaller than what had cause us to move away. Don´t you remember that hot summer night? You and Saïx had a sleepover at your place and you parents weren´t there because they watched some movie?" Xigbar looked at the younger male in disbelieve.

„Nope."

„Be glad, because I won´t tell you." „But" „As if, I got better things to do than telling my brother´s past to his boyfriend." Xigbar stuffed his paper and the college pad into his backpack and walked past Riku.

„Wait!" Riku took several moments to understand the situation, then he stood up and followed the blackhaired out of _the moon_.

--Author note

You really didn´t expect Xigbar to tell Saïx´s complete history, did you? Tough luck for you. This flashback was more about showing the background of Saïx actions. Make them more understandable. I won´t tell you what happened because I was thinking about it for two hours and it definitely isn´t anything I could rate T. Very bloody. As always R&R.


	7. Chapter 7

_--chapter seven open chest (literally)_

Riku was confused. So much information, but still he couldn´t make a proper picture.

He wanted to know more, wanted to know the bluehaired´s whole past.

Riku stalked home, an killed the time until poetry club with staring at the ceilling.

Thanks to Saix who sat next to Riku and joked with him, poetry club wasn´t boring at all. Riku kinda liked it, mostly because the group feared Saix and left them alone.

After twenty minutes or so the last nerd came in. The teacher wanted to ask him where he had been when the nerd shot him with a gun. The pupils were shocked even the emos.

The nerd looked around with mad eyes and pointed with his gun at Riku. „Join me in death fella."

Before he could pull the trigger, Saix was over him, he was berserk. He threw the gun away, pushed the nerd to the floor, ripped open his chest, pulled out his beating heart and threw against the wall.

The group was terrifed watching Saix tear apart the nerd. Blood and body parts were everywhere. The chest was totally empty lung, heart and every other organ was ripped out and lying somewhere on the floor.

Riku wasn´t terrified at all. He had seen such a disemboweled body before. Okay he was slightly scared because his life had been threatned about a minute ago but this wasn´t something scaring to him.

He remembered what had happened in the warm summer night, a neighbour had come around because he knew Saix and Riku were alone. He tried to rape Riku and was stopped exactly the same way as the nerd had been.

Saix calmed from his rage and looked at the dead and messed up body. „Shit." was his only comment before h broke down in tears.

Riku hugged Saix and calmed him. Some of the emos had phoned the police who came around immediately. They saw Saix, the dead teacher and the body that didn´t really look human anymore. Riku needed more than twenty minutes to make them understand that Saix hadn´t killed the teacher.

Saix and the rest of the students, even some of the policemen were so shocked by the sight of the dead bodies they needed psychotic first aid. A whole lot of psychologists were needed and in this chaos Riku managed to talk to Saix.

„Hey, it wasn´t your fault. If you hadn´t killed him he might have killed the rest of us." Riku hugged Saix supportingly.

„Maybe, maybe nothing would have happened. I´ve killed a human being. It´s not safe for you to stay with me." Saix didn´t push Riku away.

„Don´t say that, you did it to protect me. I don´t think you would kill somebody for no reason." Riku sounded secure and confident.

Saix looked at him. „We´ll probably never meet again. I don´t know what the gonna do now that I´ve proofed that I´m able to kill." Saix stared at his bloody hands.

„But they can´t kill you! I´ll visit you in prison or where ever you have to go. I´ll phone you and write you letters. I won´t forget you!" Riku hugged him.

Saix sighed. „You don´t understand. You don´t know what they can do without breaking the law." Saix shivered. „I think it´s time that I tell you a little about my past. Not everything but enough to make you see their cruelty."

Riku stared at Saix, was he going to tell him about his past? „Please not the same part as Xigbar has told me!" was Riku thought.

„After I left this town. I came into a special school for intergration of mentally and physically handicapped children. It was a drama from the start. I had to take special pills who made me dizzy, they were supposed to keep me from going berserk." Saix seemed disgusted.

„They helped exactly nothing. The other pupils called me drugaddict because I had take those pills and one day some older students stole them from me. I ran to a teacher and told him that they had stolen my pills and he slapped me square over my face that I shouldn´t lie. Well I couldn´t take the pills what was rather refreshing because I didn´t feel dizzy anymore. Of course the teachers noticed that and the same teacher who had slapped me asked if I still were taking my pills. I said no because the older students had stole them from me like I had told him the other day. He slapped me and told me I shouldn´t sell the pills as drugs." Riku couldn´t help but laugh at that point.

„From that day I had to walk to the school nurse each day, she gave me one pill and I had to take it in front of her eyes. For weekends they gave the pills to my father, who of course gave them to me and said that he trusted me enough to take one each day and not to sell them or whatever. He was drowning in selfpity nad not really caring about me or Xigbar." Saix smiled at that point.

„In each case, somebody somewhere found out what was a clear thing to me. Those pills didn´t help at all. Now there was the big question what they should do with me now and they found an surprisingly creative answer. The cuffed me to my table and I had to wear a muzzle. The system was that each teacher had to cuff me to my table at the beginnig of the lesson and free me afterwards. Most teachers were too lazy and so I spend most lunchbreaks staring at the ceiling. I even spend several nights there. It was my second home. Thankfully I never had to spend a weekend there."

Saix had tears in his eyes and Riku was shocked, this couldn´t be the truth couldn´t it?

„Well one day a guy from the ministry showed up to see how our school was doing and he found me cuffed to the chair and asleep. He woke me up and asked me what I was doing there because it was like eight pm. I showed him the muzzle which made it impossible for me to speak. He gave me a college pad and a pencil and asked me what I was doing here again. I told him that I couldn´t leave because I was cuffed to my table. He tried to remove my table but couldn´t because it was fixed to the floor. Well he phoned the headmaster who freed me and said that this had never happened before and would never happen again. I had already told the guy that I spend each lunchbreak and most afternoons here. So he didn´t believe the headmaster. The school was closed down and I was send to a normal public school to proof that I was a better human now."

Suddenly Riku interruped him. „What´s with your father and Xigbar didn´t they notice you didn´t came home for days?"

„No as said, Xigbar is six years older than I am and was already studying, my father didn´t care much about me. He was stuck thinking about what he had done wrong in his life. I don´t really wanna talk about him. Well public school was refreshing because nobody cared about what I did and there were no people who forced me to take pills or cuffed me to tables. Well I met Axel there. We moved here and the rest of the story isn´t really nessecary."

That was the moment the police captured Saix. He was send to a psychatry for rapists and murderers to master his aggression. Riku wasn´t allowed to phone or visit him, it was depressing.

--author note

the end will take even more time to write than this chapter because I got no idea for an end. HELP AND REVIEW IF YOU GOT TIME! ...

oh yeah there´s a alternate ending (it´s finished already) if anybody is interested mail me I´ll send it to you


	8. Chapter 8

_ --chapter eight sanity_

„Saix had a brother complex. He would have never killed unless to protect Riku." Riku, Axel, Demyx and Zexion were talking to some strange psychiatrist.

„But why was it a brother complex, he and Riku aren´t brothers." asked Axel.

„Well, we found no other explanation for it. And I don´think we´ll find one." Silence rose, broken only by the sound of a tear hitting the ground.

„But why did he had to die?!" Riku shouted at psychiatrist.

„As said, he would only protect you, not himself. That´s the reason. If he had gone berserk he would have easily been able to ki... defend himself. But he didn´t, he faced death like a normal mortal."

One of the psychology students had gone mad and shot half of the inhabitants of the psychiatry and then herself. Saix was killed as very first. He kept living for about fifteen minutes afterwards. He must have felt unbearable pain and agony but his face impression was peaceful and calm.

Riku and Axel were shocked. Both of them had expected Saix to return in a few month or so but being shot? No never.

Riku shook and cried, why had everything gone so wrong? If only he could turn back time...

„Riku! Riku wake up! It´s only a nightmare!" Riku opened his eyes and looked into two yellow ones.

„Huh?" asked he sleepily.

„You cried in your sleep. I was worried for you!" Saix, about ten years younger. With his short hair and his round baby face.

„I, I dreamed that you were eighteen and I was sixteen and you killed yourself and..."

„I killed myself again, huh? I think if I killed myself in real life you wouldn´t be scared because you already dreamed about it a thousand times. In addition to that I´m sure you´ll die first." Saix gave Riku a meaningful look.

They were sitting underneath a tree by their old elementary school and Riku guessed it was lunch break.

„No! I´ll miss you and why should I die first?" Riku sat up and looked into Saix yellow eyes again.

„Because the good always die young." Saix nodded.

„I´m not good! You are far better than I am. You always cheer me up when I´m sad or explain things to me and you always protect me from the older pupils. You´ll die long before me!"

„Oh c´mon. I only cheer you up because when you´re sad, I´m sad too and when you´re happy I´m happy too and I always explain things to you because I´m older and I can´t let you cope with the older pupils alone. But you, you always talk to me and you care for me. That´s much more." Saix looked secure and Riku laughed he hugged Saix. „I love you."

„I love you too." Saix hugged him back. „But let´s go back to reality because I think Axel and the others are worried for you."

„Reality?" asked Riku puzzled.

„This is only dream, made to keep you from loosing your sanity. I´ll see you there." Saix deep calm eighteen year old´s voice.

Riku opened his eyes again. Saix was grinning down at him meanly.

„What the hell?" asked Riku.

„Welcome back to reality!" Saix hugged Riku.

„But I thought you were dead. What happened? Am I going mad?" Riku was looking around puzzled.

„No, you aren´t made. A car went over you in front of _the moon_ and you slept for about two years and dreamed a whole lot of shit, I suppose." Riku noticed he was lying in a hospital bed, it was a friendly room with a lot of flowers and things.

„What? Really? I don´t remember that..." Riku looked at Saix confused. „When was that anyway?"

Saix laughed. „Really? You got no idea how you ran from Roxas, Axel and me after poetry club and than came under this taxi? No? You really are somebody who doesn´t remember anything, aren´t you?"

„But is it true that you killed somebody and met Axel when you were fourteen and..." Saix interrupted him.

„Well, I had nothing to do those two years so I told you my past and a whole lot of other things and that might have mixed into your dreams. And do remember something else?" asked Saix.

„Uhm... I remember Demyx, Zexion, Xigbar and that you have a brother complex and that you can rip out a beating heart from a human body and that you went to some strange schools in the years we were apart... things like that. Oh and that you once said that I´d die before you because I´m a much better person." Riku looked at Saix.

„Well, Demyx is my partner. Zexion is Xigbar´s husband. Xigbar is my brother. I don´t think I got a brother complex and I´m not sure if I can rip out a beating heart from a human body but I know that I went to some really strange schools. I think I can faintly remember saying something like that you would die before me or something. Right so?" Riku blinked.

„Your partner? But..." Riku pouted.

„What but? Can´t I have a partner?" asked Saix.

Riku pouted even more. „But I thought we were partners,"

Saix laughed. „Riku, he and I are playing music together in a band. I think I told you a lot about it. We aren´t 'partners'."

„Does that mean we won´t marry once I´m eighteen?" Riku looked at Saix in disbelieve.

„Riku, you are already eighteen. You slept two years. And how the hell should we marry? I mean gay-marriages aren´t legal." Saix chocked his head to one side.

„Oh, I forgot about that, does that mean we will marry ones gay-marriages are legal?" asked Riku.

Saix smiled and then he said. „Riku, do you want to marry me?"

„Yes!"

It turned out that Saix´s band was successful and well known, though their music was strange. Riku liked it anyway. Thanks to the government gay-marriages became legal and Saix and Riku were the youngest married gay-couple on earth. Riku became author and lyric writer for Saix and Demyx.

The had many kids and were happy ever after...

uhm sorry, of course they _adopted_ many kids and very happy ever after.

--Author note

FLUFF! I can´t write it better. Thank each of my readers and my only reviewer.

this is the end just so you know.


End file.
